If you’re looking for attractive areas to walk around, I
would not recommend the Industrial Estates of Essex (unless scrap metal is what
you like to spend your time looking at).
This is where Susan and I started what was to be a very warm wander
around southern Essex . In fact, if you plan on relying on Southend
Borough Council for your signage, I wouldn’t recommend Essex
at all as they do tend to miss a few important signs out. This means that you can quite often find
yourself in the middle of a field surrounded by water, the only way out being
the way in. This does make for a rather
frustrating walk.
Once we’d realised this, we ditched the footpaths for a bit
and hit the road instead. We didn’t last
long and got back onto footpaths as soon as possible which mainly passed
through vegetable fields. The day was
getting really rather warm when, all of a sudden, we stumbled across a local
hostelry which had, by chance, just opened for the day. The long, in depth, discussion that ensued
on the merits of pub drinking before noon went something along the lines of,
“Drink?”, “Yep”. You see, women are not
troubled by indecision all of the time.
The Castle Inn proved a gem of pub entertainment and I just
about managed to drag Susan away before she decided to take up line dancing for
a living. We didn’t manage to get much
further before we felt it was necessary to stop for lunch on the grounds of
excessive heat and possible exhaustion.
By this time, we had both started to take on a most attractive stripey
effect that only carrying a rucksack in the sun can give. It was here that I first suspected that
perhaps walking long distances at the weekend was a sign of insanity and
walking in the sun would only aggravate the condition.
From here we continued on a mixture of roads, footpaths and
MOD Danger Areas with conversation that went downhill, uphill and, more often
than not, completely round the twist. I
blame the sun. I am not at liberty to
divulge precisely what was discussed as, now I come to write it down, it makes
even less sense, but suffice it to say politics and religion were not on the
agenda.
We eventually stumbled into Southend along with the rest of
the world who had seen fit to remove most of their clothing and scatter
themselves liberally along the seafront; not a sight for those of delicate
disposition. We tried several B&Bs
before finding a charming establishment prepared to offer us B&B for £20
apiece and the offer of the two lads next door.
After giving the room and the accompanying facilities the onceover, we
ran away.
Shortly after that, we got in a taxi and then drove a
considerable distance to ensure we were far enough away from Southend.
Sunday dawned slightly cloudy which Susan was very pleased
about. We were both feeling the effects
of too much sun the day before and were quite pleased it wasn’t so hot. A few hours later the situation changed and
delirium set in once more.
We took a brisk walk up Southend pier and felt we should
stop for an ice cream and some postcard writing. It was here that we were
accosted by a lady who, by our calculations (never much to rely on), was
seventy-seven. This is approximately the
age Susan will be when she finishes her tour of Great Britain
We walked right along the seafront (7km according to the
signs) and up to Leigh on Sea Station.
At this point, we turned inland slightly and were back on proper
footpaths – with signs and everything.
It was about two o’clock by now and we were both well and truly burnt on
one side (perhaps we should have walked backwards to ensure even burn coverage)
and completely mad. Susan actually broke
into song at one point which had its merits from a comedy point of view and I’m
sure she is a very talented chorister under slightly less sunny conditions.
Susan, by this time, had got rid of the OS map altogether
and was relying on Braille stiles to get us to Benfleet Station. If only I’d had time to find my camera while
she was dancing about on the step trying to read the directions with her feet.
Eventually we made it to Benfleet
which was sadly very under equipped with drinks machines and local shops. We
just about managed to soldier on back to the car and to a garage which sold ice
creams and drinks before driving home.
We had a good weekend but it’s taken me over a week and
quite a lot of medicinal alcohol and after sun to recover. Still, I’m sure none of the damage is lasting
and the doctors think I should be fit for walking again in about three months’
time – providing I wear a sun hat.
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